Generally there are three major camps in regards to Valentine’s Day.
1) Couples
Flowers at work, seared tuna for dinner, and rose pedals in the bedroom. Here’s your unique opportunity to share the love with that special someone. I don’t hate you… I’m not particularly jealous. Good for you. I hope it goes well, as we all know dudes sometimes get it right and other times find a way to fuck it up. Best of luck on that one.
2) The Bitter Singles
You can’t help yourself but to bring up that Hallmark invented the holiday. You’re annoyed at the false face couples put on to tell someone how much they love them when maybe they don’t. Truth is, you’re just pissed you’re not getting laid tonight. On the bright side, there will be lots of lonely people at the bar tonight, so it could totally work out for you. Too bad your bitterness is going to keep you at home watching Seinfeld reruns pretending like you’ve forgotten what today is. Eventually, say at around 10:30pm you’ll quietly slip in a copy of When Harry Met Sally and pop open that bottle of shiraz. Keep up the good hate.
3) The Blissfully Carefree
You could be single; you might be involved with someone. You don’t particularly give a rat’s ass. Throughout the day, when perhaps the lady with the earpiece in the cubicle next to you receives a dozen roses who’s scent gets you equal parts a little high and a little bit headache, you might consider your place in the day’s festivities. But soon enough, you’re back to your daily business. If this is you and you’re part of a couple (or triangle you bastard), beware of your significant other(s) standing. Chances are, he/she also had a work neighbor who received something sweet. That’s a dangerous fucking line tread my friend. If you happen to be single, congratulations… you’re totally off the hook (clearly not off the hook enough, or you wouldn’t be single). Too bad you will still be drinking and watching Meg and Billy do the Bff (Best Friends for F*cking) dance later tonite.
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One Comment
So is admitting to a “camp” akin to admitting to being a hipster? Admit or deny, either way your screwed.
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[...] of death, it’s Valentine’s Day today. I find myself somewhere between #s 2 and 3 this year. I plan on spending my night doing pretty much exactly what I did last year. I will sit [...]